So, I'm preparing for the loss of my hair.  With my first treatment, my nurse, Tracy, told me to expect changes over the next few weeks in my hair.  And she was right.  I told my mom that my hair doesn't really feel like my hair anymore.  For one thing, I'm shedding like crazy.  It's in my hairbrush, stuck in my fingertips, on my clothes, and literally blowing on the breeze with my windows of the car rolled down.  Yesterday I sat at Marshall High School's baseball field, watching my son Drake play, and it was a little windy...I felt like little wisps of hair were all around me.  My scalp feels dry, my hair feels lackluster...and yet, I know the inevitable is coming.  I can't stop it.  I've ordered some scarves from an online company, awaiting their arrival early this week.  I also ordered a sleeping cap, because even though I often wake up with my hair soaking wet from my "change," I'm told your head can get cold at night.

Lately I've been obsessed with the wondering if I will keep my eyelashes and eyebrows.  Last night I watched several YouTube videos of women demonstrating how they create eyebrows with makeup tricks...it's amazing what one can do with brushes and powders, pencils and concealer....and of course...some sort of shellac to make it all stay.  Because, as they all remind you, simply touching your forehead, or having a hot flash, can make your beautifully drawn and created brows, simply disappear.  I imagine myself, at school, with a classroom full of students, wiping away an eyebrow without thinking about it....and the whole eyelash thing... I will definitely wear falsies, if I have a need.  But my latest hope is, if I have to lose my hair, please let me keep my eyebrows and eyelashes.  I'm told it's about fifty-fifty if they stay or if they go.

I've felt pretty good these last few days...three days, to be precise.  I'm wondering if this will become a pattern in my treatment?  In the last three days I've been to a baseball game, watched my son close in pitching and get a tremendous hit that was easily a triple, but his sore hamstring made it a double.  I've been to the casino, spent the afternoon at the lake with my mom and Drake, and had lunch and shopped with my friend Sheri.  I've cleaned house, done laundry, and emptied the dishwasher.  I've eaten wonderful meals brought over by my mother in law Florence, my mom, and my sister-in-law Mary.  I've had visits from my Aunt Susie and my mom's friend Claudia.  I've received my gift of the Kathy Van Zeeland purse, a little love from me, to me, and decided it wasn't bling-y enough to carry, and sent it back.  I've watched a few really good movies, including "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone," with Steve Carell, and watched it with my son and his friend.Matt.  I was shocked that the two of them actually stayed upstairs with Steve and I for the entire movie, and we all laughed many times, especially at the character played by Jim Carey.  I had a visit from my son's friend Mark, and enjoyed catching up with him.  He was a regular part of our family for many years, almost like a second son to me.  And tomorrow, Drake is getting his.senior pictures taken, so tonight we got a fashion show as we decided, as a family, what he should wear.  It was a lot of fun, making him model different things, and figuring out what sports he wants to represent in his photos...baseball, of course, as the Jackson High baseball field is the first stop for his locations.  The Armory Arts building will be his second.  The soccer field later in the fall for more photos is a distinct possibility.  And the ocean beaches of Fire Island in New York, when he goes away for a week with his best friend's family

This is the beginning of Senior year events, and I'm grateful I'm able to start the planning...hopefully I'll be well enough throughout the year for more of the execution of those plans.  I'm already looking ahead to his graduation party, and am mildly obsessing, but not really, about the state of my yard, and what it will look like next spring.  "You'll just have to hire someone," is my mom's reasoning, and I know she's right.  I'm not able to do EVERYTHING right now...but I want to be able to do what's most important.  Somehow, I don't want to waste the time that I feel good pulling weeds.  I want to spend them with family.  And friends.  And my students.  People I care about.  So for my visitors, I'm super happy to see you...just please don't judge me if my house isn't as clean as it usually is, or my yard isn't as well groomed.  I'm just happy I feel well enough to greet you at the door and hold that monster of a dog of mine away from you with his two foot tongue...he looks really ferocious, and he may be barking, but just like me, Johann is just happy to see you.