I've got to admit, I was really hoping I'd be one of those lucky ones, "skating" through their chemo with few to any side effects.  These past two days I've really been put in my place, so to speak.  I'm convinced I'm having the side effects that go with the second day chemo injection, the one intended to build up my white cell count.  The effects can be flu-like, with dizziness and fatigue.  Check, check, check.  Little sleep, appetite, and motivation?   Check, check, and check again.  Skating?  From the bed, to the couch, to a sitting position...probably the stupidest thing I did was go for a bike ride.

At about 11 yesterday morning, I was convinced all I needed to snap out of this funk was some fresh air and exercise.  "Steve!"  I yelled.  "Let's go for a bike ride."  He thought I was joking...I was kind of dizzy and didn't have a great amount of balance, but I wanted to do something, dammit!  Something to make me feel normal!  We rode all of about 5 miles, and I was a little short of breath (another of those side effects listed with my shot), and forgot to put on sunscreen.  We got back and I was so dizzy I kind of fell on the couch...what the hell was I thinking?  That somehow by acting normal, I could be normal?  Yes, I think that's exactly where my mind was at.

I then got it in my head that I wanted to try that Mystic Tan spray tan booth at my tanner...first visit is free, and if I like it, I can change my regular membership over to the spray kind, as I can't tan in the beds anymore, anyway.  I watched a few YouTube videos, and researched online the prep work for your body before getting one of those spray tans...mainly shaving, exfoliating your body really well in the shower, and lots of lotion.  Well, that was a lot of work!  I had to rest up from all that scrubbing.  Flipping channels on the tv, I came across one of those home shopping shows, where an entire hour was devoted to Kathy Van Zeeland purses....my favorite!  Omg, maybe I need a new purse?  As a gift for myself.  For the whole cancer and chemo thing.  Yes'm that black lizard one looks amazing, large and Bling-y...just my style.  Gotta have it.  Never ordered from a tv show before...does that make me pathetic?  Or smart?  It IS on clearance...regularly $109, for $52.86.  I'm a regular smart shopper.  And I really do need a new wallet...how about a black lizard Guess one to go with my new purse?  eBay has always been my go-to spot...yep!  There it is.  A little love, coming to me in the mail, from me.  I feel almost better, already...maybe after this little nap...

Ok, it's 7:00...if I'm gonna tan, gotta go now.  That means I have to drive my car.  Oh, yeah, Steve picked it up from the detail shop...better at least look at it and see how it looks...yeah, it looks nice.  Sorry I can't really appreciate my shiny chrome wheels and wax job...let's just hope I can drive straight! At the tanner I get step by step instructions on how to do the mystic...lots of barrier cream on feet, hands, elbows, etc.  places you don't want to grab the most and turn streaky or orange.  It was kind of fun, I got dressed and drove out to the lake to visit my mom and her friend Judy...visited about an hour, them came home.  No showering for 4-6 hours...I showered this morning and got the biggest surprise of my life.  My feet...the soles...are totally orangey brown.  Now how in the hell did that happen? More scrubbing...more dizziness...I swear, who knew showering could take so much out of a person?  I'll post a picture, it's kind of funny.  This brown foot stain is maybe an analogy for what I'm going through right now...it's telling me to "plant my feet and stop trying to do so much!  You are going through chemo right now.  You don't have to do it all.  Just focus on this moment.  You will be ok.  You will, eventually, be able to do things like you used to do.  You just can't RIGHT NOW.  Just rest those ugly, orangey brown soles for a lil' bit."   And I can live with that.